Not-Enough Parenting
Comparing my parenting to what leaders say I should be doing, to what I think I should be doing versus the reassuring whisper of the Holy Spirit —“ just keep moving forward.”
The recent trends in discipleship and the especially children’s and youth ministries point lead to the role of the parent in raising children to follow Jesus. It’s no secret from the biblical record. God has installed parents as the leaders of their home, the guardians of their innocence, and the propagators of Faith for the next generation. More and more, resources, websites, podcasts, speakers, and leaders are adding to this conversation, bringing tools to Light and best practices to engage; and what a help that is to parents…
But what about the moment when all of those resources become overwhelming and discouraging rather than life-giving and inspiring? When the waves of regret wash over you for the teachable moments you missed, or the parenting failures that hang heavy over your mind and heart, what is the voice of the Lord saying in that moment?
First of all, I hear the voice of the Lord reminding me we are engaged in a spiritual battle, and it is the enemies primary tactic to create doubt, fear, and insecurity in us. It is the enemy who assaults us with the arrows of confusion, disbelief, and guilt over our own mistakes and it is his goal to sideline us from the fight. The Holy Spirit reminds us, however, that He walks with us, He empowers us, and His power is made perfect in our weakness… That while in and of ourselves, we fall short of his perfect design, yet by his strength, we can become all He made us to be.
Second, I hear the voice of the Lord reminding me that discipleship is a journey, that we cannot take a screenshot of this moment, nor can we predict all that He’s capable of doing over the lifetime of our experience with our children.
In other words, it’s easy to get focused on the here and now and miss the fact that lifelong faith is curated over years and decades, not days and weeks. A leader once spoke about discipleship and parenting from the perspective of “time over time..“ .. that leading our children into a place of lifelong, vibrant faith requires intentional efforts over indefinite seasons and our assessment of one moment, or one episode cannot give a full picture of what God is doing in our children’s lives. Take a deep breath, the Holy Spirit says, and realize this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Finally, I hear the voice of the spirit challenging me with a very unorthodox phrase; all, or something. In my own health journey, I’ve often become discouraged when life happens and my fitness habits get de-prioritized. I’m sure you know what I mean… It’s those weeks where you find yourself traveling, or extraordinarily busy, and that meal plan disintegrates and your exercise routines disappear, and you find yourself slipping back into what’s easy and comfortable, but not necessarily the best choices.
Merely the first step towards starting those habits back can become the most difficult step because of the defeatist axiom, “it’s all or nothing.“
We sabotage our own success because we buy into the idea if we don’t do everything exactly right, then none of our good decisions are worthwhile.
Obviously that’s completely wrong, but I find myself hesitating to exercise because I haven’t eaten right that week. Or, I find myself choosing not to eat well because I won’t be able to eat well the next day, or because that week is going to be busy and I won’t be able to maintain those good habits.
What silly notions! Building good habits and maintaining good practices always begin with one step in the right direction. Even if it’s just a small step, a small step forward is enough to snowball into something much bigger. However, if we don’t take that first step, then we’ll never see progress.
What does that mean for us today? It means there are likely lots of ways and opportunities we could be more intentional about discipling our children. There are lots of ideas and creative ways to pass on our faith to our children throughout our days and weeks that we could employ.
Again, we could allow the volume of those ideas and resources to overwhelm us and discourage us, or we could, “just keep moving forward, “and do our best to keep putting one good habit in front of another. Even when we miss a day, or we fail a day, don’t let the defeatist enemy prevent us from picking up where we left off and pushing forward. The task is too important, and the rewards are too eternal for us to give up or grow weary in doing what’s right.
So don’t listen to the voice of the enemy. Allow yourself to experience the grace of God and the Empowering Presence of the Holy Spirit as you lead your family. Acknowledge that discipleship happens through time over time, and just keep moving forward. He will meet you where you’re not enough.
Article By: Stephen Jones
Discipleship Ministries Director
Cornerstone Conference IPHC
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